I was thinking about how much I’ve messed up or missed the point in different areas of my life throughout the years, and I realized that it’s all a part of my story; all part of my journey. Some mess up less, some mess up more, the point is: where does it bring you? Where does it take you to? It’s all going to change you. Do you strive for that change to be for the better? Do you learn from mistakes, or onlyrepeat them?
You are here, now, and everything that’s led to this point can have purpose. It can all be worth it, if you let God make use of it. The best part of it all is that this is not the final destination. There’s good left to be done, hope in what’s to come, and heaven on the other side. If I hadn’t gone through all I had, I wouldn’t be who I am- where I am. I am uniquely equipped and qualified for the purpose God has for me and my life. I’m in His hands, and there’s no better place to be than that- than where I am. The same can be true for you.
That very next breath you take… is an indicator that it’s not too late.
Fear keeps rearing its ugly head, and I think the latest struggle is in wrestling with this:
The more you have, the more you have to lose.
I’m not just speaking in terms of money/possessions, although those things are included. I’m speaking in terms of relationships and letting people close…
… but even now, God is giving me a healing response. Changing one word in our perspective can change everything. You can turn fear into freedom, by way of love, and that statement above can become:
The more you have, the more you have to give.
When we stop worrying so much about what we have to gain or lose, start considering what’s already been perfectly given unto us from God, and the way He wants to bless others through us, we make the greatest exchanges of all– selfish for selfless, control for trust, pain for strength, and fear for freedom… the freedom to love.
When we spend too much time in climate we control, we lose our ability to adapt and grow. We become comfortable, stagnant, and limited; we forget how to hear from God’s spirit– how to think on our toes. There’s such a thing as too safe, and the funny thing is, it’s just an illusion anyway. More often than not what makes us feel safe makes us weaker, while facing what we fear will bring strength by increasing our faith.
“Happiness creates a laziness which allows us to forget, but pain… teaches us a lesson which forces us to grow.” -The Killing
It’s interesting how as a society we chase happiness at all costs, especially to others, and numb or escape pain any way we can. I’m not saying let’s seek out pain, but really… which of the two can create the lasting benefit?
If we feel and face pain when it comes, then we’ll truly learn the lessons we ought to from it. That growth aligns our course towards a healthier future.
Perhaps what could’ve been would’ve actually been… worse.
We can’t know the future, let alone the potential futures that have come and gone. When we get stuck in self-pity, it’s often because we think of how great things might have been. We ignore the fact that it’s equally possible that things would’ve been much, much worse than they are right now.
There’s no going back, but you get to choose the type of person you’re going to be, and you get to pursue becoming who God always intended you to become. That’s… a pretty incredible thing.
Dwelling on what could’ve been and should’ve been is like getting lost in make-believe. You create this idealistic reality and imagine that’s how it actually would’ve been if only this, or if only that.But that’s not reality. Reality is what you’re escaping, as real life keeps passing by.
Here’s what you do know: you are where you are, right at this very moment. Who are you going to be? What kind of person are you going to spend your time and energy becoming? If you freeze up when faced with choices and just stay still, you’ve still made a choice. You’ve chosen fear.
Don’t wait for purpose to find you. No one else is going to live your life for you. Don’t let it go to waste. Are you still breathing? Then it’s not too late.
I’ve been completely confounded by life. I’ve seen new depths of brokenness. I am wrestling with faith and trust… I believe only time will offer some of the answers for the reasons why, and that the rest won’t come until I step beyond this plane of time. I believe that God is good. I believe in the hope He offers. Right now, I’m just trying to do the best I can with what I have. I’m trying to spread love, and not hurt. I’m fighting to choose the right things, and not just the easy things. I want to be a tool for good, and not a weapon for wickedness. I desire peace, and hope to promote it in the lives of others. I hope to challenge people to not settle for the way things are, but to take responsibility for the person they are going to be and the life they are going to lead. Through it all, I don’t want my meaning to come from these things. I don’t want it to come in or from my “doing,” or from what you have to offer me. I want it to have already been obtained from the God who made me, died for me, and rose again. The One who dwells with me, in me, and will never leave me- in spite of me. Amen.
Can I be immersed in Your love like an ocean? Floating weightless and only moving with Your tide? Draw me in and move me out, in time with Your current and Your waves. Fill my lungs and all of me. Let me get lost, only to be found at sea.
If you’ve ever been forsaken by someone, somebody who you love more than you can stand… then you truly know heartbreak. What blows my mind is when I think of God… and how we forsake Him all the time, over and over again even after we’ve tasted His goodness. His heartbreak over humanity must be infinitely greater than mine. And yet, He not only maintains a capacity to love us, He is love. He doesn’t change. He doesn’t lose who He is through the heartbreak. He is God, He is good, and He continually showers us with undeserved blessings. It boggles my mind and makes me love Him more than ever. The more I know Him, the more I want to know Him. Yet, the more I know Him, the more I realize I will never truly understand Him. He is unfathomable beauty. His grace, His strength, Hispatience… the way He sees us as a prize and finished work when we can only see chaos, is nothing short of miraculous.
Oh Holy and wonderful God, You know me better than I know myself. How dare I consider hating myself when You love me?! The only thing I should ever hate is that which stands between us… help me to always view sin in that light, as the thing that gets between me and You… YOU who gave all for me. You who never leaves or forsakes me. You who remains perfect when I am anything but. I love you. Teach me how to love You more.