When we spend too much time in climate we control, we lose our ability to adapt and grow. We become comfortable, stagnant, and limited; we forget how to hear from God’s spirit– how to think on our toes. There’s such a thing as too safe, and the funny thing is, it’s just an illusion anyway. More often than not what makes us feel safe makes us weaker, while facing what we fear will bring strength by increasing our faith.
Dwelling on what could’ve been and should’ve been is like getting lost in make-believe. You create this idealistic reality and imagine that’s how it actually would’ve been if only this, or if only that.But that’s not reality. Reality is what you’re escaping, as real life keeps passing by.
Here’s what you do know: you are where you are, right at this very moment. Who are you going to be? What kind of person are you going to spend your time and energy becoming? If you freeze up when faced with choices and just stay still, you’ve still made a choice. You’ve chosen fear.
Don’t wait for purpose to find you. No one else is going to live your life for you. Don’t let it go to waste. Are you still breathing? Then it’s not too late.
Marriage is a hell of a thing to have to experience by trial and error. I don’t want to ever have to learn from it in this way again. That’s why it is so important that I extract every possible lesson from this, allow it to blow open all of my illusions, and let it cause me to face reality and all the ways I need to change. There’s what’s been done to you, but there’s also who you’ve allowed yourself to be and what you’ve allowed yourself to do. What you’ve been given is not your fault, but what you do with it is your charge. You want to know how to learn from mistakes? Allow yourself to feel all that you ought to through the consequences. That is lesson enough to not want to be there again. I am not talking about going to a morbid place, or taking it to an unhealthy extent, but escape, numbness, band-aids, and cutting corners is like pursuing leprosy of the soul. It was when you felt the burn that you learned touching fire will hurt. The draw to want to rush through the lessons is incredibly strong, but when I let myself feel through this time, I know that no shortcut is worth being here again. I only hope that my transparency will be used to help someone else not go through the same.
*This is a draft from 11/30/2013 that somehow got overlooked and not posted. It’s interesting to look back and see when the hurt and angst was still so raw.